she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
