i think my tv is drunk
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
