Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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