Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
