Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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