I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
