I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
