Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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