quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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