Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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