I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
