my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
