forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
