..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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