If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You smell like stripper and shame
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
