Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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