Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
