i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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