So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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