I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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