I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
