it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
time to smoke my breakfast
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
