Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
