I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
