hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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