Its about making memories worth repressing
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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