you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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