living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
