hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
