I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize