He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
