So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
