Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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