this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
