I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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