You're so nebulous sometimes
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
