Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
