True but thats because hes a fetus.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize