Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
