well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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