I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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