he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
