You just made me feel so damn special
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
