We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
