My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
