I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
