i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this just has baby written all over it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
