Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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