My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You can't motorboat a personality
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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