Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
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