She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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