3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
