I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
