Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
