That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
