dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
