Christians are straight up FREAKS
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
