The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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