I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
