When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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