FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
