The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
