And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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