Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
