I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
