Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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