im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
