i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
