You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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